When You’re In A Season Of Waiting…
Everyone likes to be patient and wait right… oh.. WRONG?! If you’re in a season of waiting right now, I can totally sympathize with you. I am currently 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and waiting for this baby to arrive feels never ending! You may be thinking, who cares? That’s just a week or two, that’s no big deal! And while you are correct, it feels like it’s been much longer than that.
For my whole life pretty much, I’ve loved taking care of kids, and I always knew my biggest goal as an adult was to be a mom. And while timing often works out much to our benefit, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, it feels like this season of waiting has been a VERY long time. I used to think I would get married at 24, and be a mom by 26, haha. Hilarious to think about now, because I was so far away from that at that stage in my life. I met my amazing husband at 27, we got married when I was 29, and very soon after we started trying for kids because we were both so ready to be parents. I didn’t expect that we would have fertility challenges, and that it would take 16 months to get pregnant. Then yay!! We finally were pregnant!
I was SO much sicker during pregnancy than I thought I would be. After 4 1/2 months of constant puking (sometimes 8 times/day) and intense migraines, this pregnancy was really feeling like a marathon.
If you know me, you know running is SO NOT my thing. My best friend has been trying to get me to run with her for 12 years, and I haven’t run with her once if that gives you an idea. She is an amazing multiple marathoner, and that is totally her jam. Not mine, I’m more of the sprinter personality in terms of sports. So this endless feeling terrible during pregnancy felt like a marathon that I couldn’t really escape. Considering all these factors, it may help you see why I am SO IMPATIENT about meeting Baby S (that’s what we call baby because we don’t know the gender, and Schollmeyer is our last name), because it feels like I’ve been waiting to meet them for a lifetime!
My best friend and I
So What Do You Do While You’re Waiting?
I know it can be hard to focus on anything while you are in a season of waiting. It’s seems like you are obsessively focused on the thing that isn’t here yet, anyone else feel that way? That’s definitely me, total obsession over that item.
But if that’s you, that’s ok! Have you ever found that endless obsession has helped you to accomplish your goals or what you’re working towards or waiting for? That has been a huge help to me in the past. Obsessively working to get through chiropractic school, animal chiropractic school, and acupuncture certification etc., extreme focus working to start my own business, constant searching to find my life partner, and doing anything I could to learn about fertility challenges and how to get pregnant when it was a struggle are all things that I thought about and worked towards non-stop that ended up working out for me.
When It Doesn’t Feel Like You’ll Ever Get To The End Result
I know reading that past paragraph can make it seem like, well no big deal, you got all the things you wanted. Which is true. But while in the midst of these things, some of them which took years, there were definitely moments when it didn’t seem like I would get that end result, or wouldn’t accomplish what I was working towards, or wouldn’t find that right life partner, or wouldn’t ever be able to ever get pregnant. And that can feel really heavy in the moment. So what do you do in those challenging times??
Allow Yourself To Feel Your Feelings, Let Them Out.
Step 1. Before you start working on progress, or trouble shooting or problem-solving etc. I suggest that you acknowledge and sit with your feelings for a moment. If you need to cry, or be angry, or disappointed, or defeated, that’s ok. Acknowledge those feelings that come up, realize that they are valid, don’t feel guilty about having them. And let them flow through you. Often you feel better after letting those go.
However, if you feel like you get trapped in these feelings and you can’t get past them... Change something up. Do what it takes to release some stress and get more feelings of happiness, joy, love, light, or whatever it is you need. Please do this in a healthy way. I’m not suggesting you go get drunk or something.
I mean things like, travel, or do a new adventure, try a new physical activity, make some new friends, talk to a loved one, prioritize what’s important to you, spend more time outside, read an exciting new book, go to a movie, see a comedy show and LAUGH, start a new hobby, return to a hobby you used to love but haven’t done in a long time, for me in 2020 it meant get a puppy. We were struggling to get pregnant, which felt endless and sad to me, both of our dogs were 12 and had a couple times they looked like they might not make it through the year, my business was struggling because of COVID shutdowns, I was worried about finances, I had lost 2 dear family members, and my extended family’s health seemed to be falling apart at the seams. I told my husband I needed something that was happy every day. So we got a puppy, and that helped me feel SO much lighter. Often if you listen to your instincts, or that inner voice, it can help tell you what you need.
Our puppy Sage :)
Once You Get Those Feelings Out, and Are Ready For the Next Step
Step 2. Start finding areas where you can make some progress, or work towards your goal, or the thing you’re waiting for. These can be small steps friends. Just start making them. Lots of little steps add up to big steps over time.
What does this look like? Maybe you need to do some research, when we had fertility challenges, I did loads of research over those 16 months. Not a ton any one day, but some every day. Pretty soon you have a very large knowledge base.
Take a few steps toward your goal; if this is a career thing, that could look like meeting some new contacts, going to some new meetings, working on strengthening a relationship you already have, putting yourself out there, even when it’s uncomfortable or when it feels like you aren’t making any progress. Keep trying! You don’t always see the benefits of what you’re doing in real time, but those efforts add up over time. You will get some no’s, sometimes things won’t go as you want, some things may be more of a challenge than you anticipated, but there will be things that SURPRISE you, in a good way! Maybe months later when you’re working on the next item on your list. And the more things you try, the better your chances are that you’ll get more good results, right? This is by no means a linear path, there are ups and downs with everything in life. However, over-analyzing, sitting there too paralyzed by thought to make any actions, or sitting out due to fear, for sure aren’t going to bring you those results you want, right? So you may as well start trying.
Maybe you need to de-stress. If you’re so obsessed about the thing you want that you have stopped all other things in your life, it’s time for a break! Quick example, years ago one of my cousins really wanted a job as an EMT, he had the certifications he needed, he was a pre-med college student, and he wanted to get more experience in the healthcare field to help prep him for his future. Not to mention as a college student, he could use the money. He was applying to MANY EMT jobs, and wasn’t getting anywhere. He tried so hard, and it just wasn’t coming together. Between his college schoolwork, studying for the MCAT, working at his other jobs, doing volunteer working, and applying for an EMT job, he was leaving no time for fun. I told him one Saturday, that he had to take the day off, that we were going on a hike to a waterfall with my dog, and we were just going to hike, swim, and enjoy a day outdoors. I told him he needed a day off and a break, and he had no choice but to join me. He didn’t want to miss that day from working toward his goals, but I got him in the car and we headed out.
When we arrived at the trail head for the waterfall, due to his outgoing, chatty nature, he struck up a conversation with some people in the parking lot. He found out they were EMT’s in Nashville (where we lived at the time), and they said they could get him an EMT job. Turns out he got the job he wanted, from taking one day off and giving himself a mental break. Then we had a great day at the waterfall.
Timing is always tricky with these things, and often doesn’t happen when we wish it would. Sometimes we need to change what our dream looks like a bit, or modify. Sometimes we need a new perspective. Who knows what will be the thing for you. However, if you look back at some challenges in your life, that have resolved at this point. Do you see that some of those things worked out better for you than it would’ve if the timing was what you originally wanted? Therefore, part of this process, is having trust that things will work out ok. One of my favorite quotes from Tony Robbins is this one which I remind myself of frequently..
“Life is not happening TO you, it’s happening FOR you.”
Think about that quote for a minute, if you let it sink in deep and look back over the events of your life, does that one quote feel life changing? I know it did for me.
So If I Do These Things One Time, Am I Set?
No, of course not! All good things take practice and maintenance. These are things I have to remind myself CONSTANTLY. Sometimes daily. It’s a practice, that gets easier over time. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have challenges, or frustration, or hard times. You just get a little more efficient at moving through these things over time.
And sometimes we have hard seasons that just seem to go on FOREVER, and it can feel like “WHEN WILL I GET A BREAK!!!!!” And that is valid too friends. I’m very sorry if that’s the season you are in. Hang in there. Find some lightness where you can. Take things one step at a time.
If You Need Some Help
If you’re a hard season, or even a hard moment and you want some help. Please reach out to me. There are many things I can help with, either in the health/wellness realm, for fertility, health coaching, nutrition, yoga, acupuncture, therapies. I have lots of tools in my practice that I can use to help a large variety of things. And if I don’t have the thing that can help you, likely I can help you find someone that can help you. Contact Me!
